Heavy Heart

Oh where to start, where to start...Joshua had a check up this morning with his Cardiologist. Next month will mark his 2 year anniversary of his open heart surgery to build a wall between the top two chambers of his heart that he was born without. The absolute worst day of my life. Since then his doctor has been monitoring his Pulmonary Valve. It has an "obstruction", which basically means it is more narrow than it should be. The leaflets are also thicker than they should be, which means they do not open all the way. The leaflets work like a one-way door which keeps the blood going forward to go to the lungs instead of backwards, back to the right atrium. Sorry if this is getting too technical. There is a 50-50 chance this will need to be corrected by going in and opening up the valve.


So, this entire time I have thought that that is the only issue we are having to deal with an monitor. Oh yea, his Superior Vena Cava does not connect to the top of the right atrium like it should. It connects at the bottom. Bottom line: it does it's job. That's all I care about. It's just "wired" different. But I found out this morning that the blood coming out of the pulmonary valve into the pulmonary artery is swirling around in the "fork" of that area, causing it to enlarge. If it continues to enlarge, that artery can push on his trachea, harboring his breathing. It might not ever enlarge anymore, but it could and we have to watch him to see if he is coughing more, clearning his throat, or wheezing more than normal. It isn't like it could happen overnight and he can't breathe (whew!), it would be a progression. At the time I didn't want to find out what the course of action would be to correct it SHOULD this happen. But now after talking about it, I kinda want to know.


Here is a diagram of the heart that might help show better what I am talking about. Let me tell you, I have been spurting out cardiology info for the last 3 years that I never thought I would ever utter. I remembered the basic way the heart worked, but not the intricate details we didn't learn in school way back when.



I am not bogging myself with worrying since that does nothing at all. I'm just praying that it will just stay the way it is and not get worse. I know this is in God's hands, not mine. Sometimes as a mommy, it is hard to let go of control over my child's life.


I am just reminding myself that it could always be worse and this is not a life or death situation. But this is my reality. I was just taken back from this. I also feel like we fix one thing, then find out there is something else. I don't want him to go through another surgery. No matter how big or small the surgery is, it is scary to have your child under anesthesia.

Sorry for the lengthy post...some of this is therapeutic for me. It was hard for me when I was reading more about his heart problems when it was first discovered (he was 2 weeks old) because all of the information says that whatever the problem with the heart, it is due to improper development in the first 8 weeks of fetal growth. Some can be genetic, but most is just a mystery as to why it does not develop correctly. I dealt with guilt over that...since I was the one carrying him, I felt like I had done something wrong. I know that isn't sensible now, but that is how I felt.

On a good note for me (!), Joshua did great with the EKG, and echocardiogram. The echo requires him to lie down and be still, sometimes on his back, sometimes on the side. This time, both. He was really tired this morning for some reason, so I think that helped to mine and the tech's benefit. :) He was very still and watched a movie. It still amazes me what they can see through his chest and into his heart, all by sound waves. Crazy.

What I am asking from my friends and family (you, dear loyal reader!) is to please include Joshua in your prayers. My prayers are for his pulmonary arteries to not enlarge any further. My wish is for him to not endure another surgery.

Thanks to many of you for being there and continuing to be there for me thoughout this. I appreciate it more than you will ever know!

Fun Giveaway

That got your attention, right? Who doesn't like giveaways? Especially cool, neat, unique giveaways? If you like them, then go over to Christie's blog, Pop Rocks For Breakfast and check out what she is giving away for her 200th post. Trust me, she has great things there! She is also a great writer and I enjoy reading her blogs. Besides, when would I ever lead you astray? :)

4th of July

Happy Belated 4th of July! I was way too exhausted on Sunday to make a post about our day. We celebrated the day by swimming at my dad's, eating and eating and eating, and shooting off fireworks. Oh, did I mention eating? I'm not sure who had more fun swimming, my kids or myself. It was incredibly hot...I know, July in Texas and it's hot?? Crazy! :) I did not want to get out, it felt great.

Can you see in this picture what Sammi has done? There is a hole at the end of this float that she is sticking out of. She managed to get her bowl of watermelon on there and even included her cup of juice. So prepared for her relaxation in the pool. That's my girl!

It was so hot that even Lucy used her smarts and laid directly in front of the fan. I wish I thought to get on the other side to get a picture of her face.

When Joshua went down for a much needed nap, Sammi broke out her Polly Pockets and played for a bit.

After a goooood dinner of bbq, we went back outside to shoot off fireworks. I love that my dad lives outside the city limits so we can do our own. Jason was like a little kid with all of his arsenal of fireworks.

Here is my dad, Joshua, Sammi, Lucy, my Aunt Susan, and Uncle Ron sitting to watch Jason and our friend Todd shoot off the MANY fireworks they bought.

This is what happens when you tell a 3 year old "no". How dare my dad tell him no! What was he thinking?? :)
Ah, there, he is happy again.

He was not scared of the fireworks. In fact, he loved them. But he would just say "that's too woud (loud)"

This picture is of Sammi and Josh on my dad's balcony that faces East. We are able to see all of the shows around Ft. Worth from there. It's great!

Here are a couple of videos of the kids watching the fireworks. I loved hearing Joshua shout out the colors of each firework. According to him, each color is his favorite.

I hope you all had a safe and fun 4th. I also hope you took the time to remember why we celebrate that day...our freedom. Many times we take for granted what others around the world envy. We have our soldiers both past and present to thank for what we continue to have. If you know any who have served in the military or currently are serving, please tell them THANK YOU.

Friend Makin' Monday

Happy Monday! I had an amazing, fun-filled 3 day weekend that I will post later today. I am exhausted, but it was well worth it.

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Today's topic for Friend Makin' Monday is...
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Tell us about your BFF...where did you meet, was it BFF at first sight, how long have you been friends, etc. What makes him/her your BFF...what is it about this person that makes him/her so special to you?
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For the rules, if you are new or need to be reminded of them, go here.
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My BFF is Casey and has been for 23 years! I met her in the middle of the school year in 1986 when I was in 6th grade and she was placed in my class when she moved from Dallas to Forney. We didn't hit it off immediately, but very soon we were inseparable. We went through adolescence together, then even stayed best friends in High School when I was in the drill team and she played drums in the band. Most thought that would separate us, nope. When we were able to drive, we were at each other's home daily. I loved her parents. Their house was the kind that I didn't have to knock on the door, I just could come on in. Same with my house...if I was home and Casey wasn't there too, she would ask me where she was. We got into trouble together too. I remember one summer she was grounded and we actually wrote letters to each other. She couldn't talk on the phone, and back then there were no email or text messaging! One weekend we were bored and we snuck out of my house (I lived near the town square) and dressed in black we put soap in the fountain at the park by the town square. It was off of the main road that everyone passed. We hid in the bushes when cars drove by and then we took turns running up to the fountain to quickly put soap in it. There was so much soap suds spilling out of it for days and days. I loved hearing people talk about it and wonder who did it.
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We went to different colleges, but still remained close. Still wrote letters to each other until the world of email came. We visited each other some weekends at each other's school, tried to come home to Forney the same weekends. We planned what concerts we would go to together in the summers. She was a bridesmaid in my wedding and I traveled to Florida for her wedding on the beach...the most beautiful wedding ever!
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I think back of all of the memories I have with her, and there are many. We have been with each other through our first crush, first love, first heartbreak, weddings, miscarriages, births of our children, deaths in our families. There are things she knows about me that no one else does. I think of myself as her #1 fan...I was there screaming and yelling as she walked across the stage to get her PhD in Veterinary Medicine and I brag non-stop about how she has her dream job working for the CDC in Atlanta dealing with food-borne viruses with two PhD's under her belt. I'm so proud of her. I only wish we lived in the same state! We might go a few weeks without talking, but when we do it is as if no time has passed.

Before Casey reads this and freaks out with the picture I posted of us, I must state for the record that this was taken at her baby shower I threw and she was 8 months pregnant.

I have so many great, amazing friends. But having a friend for 23 years and counting is amazing to me and a testament to what true friendship is. I can't imagine my life without this wonderful, giving, intelligent person! Love you, Casey!

Ask, And You Shall Receive

From my post yesterday about the 4th of July, I mentioned that I usually make baked potato casserole when asked to bring a side dish. I was pleasantly surprised to see the requests to post the recipe. I don't know why I didn't think to include it in the first place! I'll blame it on being tired and not thinking clearly. Yes, that is my excuse.

*drum roll* After much curiosity and anticipation, I bring you....Baked Potato Casserole! It's the easiest freaking dish you can throw together, er, make.

Ingredients*
cooked and cubed potatoes
butter
grated cheddar cheese
sour cream
bacon bits
chives
salt
pepper

Mix together all of the above ingredients in a crock pot, warm, serve! You can do this in a large dish in the microwave or oven, too. *For the ingredients, the amount you need for each is all dependent on how much you want to make. I just keep adding and adding until I think it is the right amount. Salt and pepper to taste. You can also not add certain ingredients you don't like. I don't like chives, so I put them on the side for others to sprinkle on if they want.

What I like about this recipe is you can make as little or big as you need. And it makes great left overs. True, it isn't the most healthy, but you can substitute with low fat sour cream and low fat cheddar cheese.

That's all folks! Enjoy and let me know if you make it!

Friend Makin' Monday

Happy Monday! I have to keep telling myself that because right now I am not feeling very happy. No specific reason, other than I am sore from head to toe from various house projects over the weekend and hand-washing my car last night. Does that mean I am out of shape? Probably. I know I am. But this is just another reminder how out of shape I am. I slept horribly for some reason. Nothing on my mind, I just tossed and turned all night. Argh.

I was looking forward to find out what the topic for Friend Makin' Monday was going to be, and I was excited to find out! If this is the first time you have heard me mention FMM, go here to find out more about it.

Today's topic: 4th of July! Woo-hoo! First thing I think of when it gets closer to the 4th of July: a 4 day work week! But seriously, it also reminds me to thank and remember the soldiers that are fighting and did fight to preserve our freedom. We are lucky as hell to have them do what I think is the toughest job that many of us (me included!) are too scared to do. So for any current or previous soldiers that might be reading this...THANK YOU!!!


What are you doing this July 4th?
No huge plans this year, just going to my dad's for the day to swim, cook out, watch fireworks from his balcony (has a great view), and maybe shoot off our own fireworks.

What is your favorite dish to pass when attending a 4th of July party or summer barbecue?
My dad always smokes a brisket, so if he asks me to bring a side, I make baked potato casserole. Super easy and I make it in a crock pot.

Do you have any July 4th traditions?
We have a family reunion for my mom's side that always falls on a weekend around the 4th. It all started after all of my cousins were married (7 of us) and we all could not make it to my grandparent's for Christmas each year. My granddad loved having all of us together like when we were kids, but knew it was too hard to always make it due to in-law families to see. So he came up with the idea for us to always get together around the 4th of July. This year it is the weekend after the 4th.


Share your favorite July 4th pictures.
I was not able to find each year in my files, but I found several of my favorite.

2004 - Sammi did NOT like the fireworks this year. In fact, when it was dark and we did big fireworks, she screamed so loud that Jason and I took turns being with her inside my dad's house. She was ok with the sparklers, but still a little leary.


2005 - We try to get a picture of Sammi with her cousins each year. These are my sister's kids. Aren't they cute?


2007 - Joshua and Sammi swimming at my dad's. I love that he has a beach-entry in his pool. A great place for a tot to sit in the water.


2008 - I love this picture. I used another one that was taken then for our Christmas card last year.

That's all I got! I can't wait to read what other's in Blog Land do for their 4th. Happy 4th of July!!

Daddy's Day

Yesterday marked Jason's 7th Father's Day. Over the weekend I heard friends talk about what they got their husband's for Father's Day. It ranged from big to small. Then I checked the blogs that I follow last night and I read about some really creative, neat things that was done for their dad's or husbands. We had plans to be in Tyler for his fraternity reunion (post to follow this week), so I was not sure how to plan Father's Day since I did not know when we would be home. But that is no excuse for me not getting him a gift from me! I feel absolutely terrible!

He was in NM and most of West TX all of last week so you would have thought I would have had plenty of time to have the kids make him something, right? Wrong! I had full intentions to have them make our annual stepping stone with their footprints, but I never got around to it. Lazy after work? Yes!

Thankfully, the kid's daycare is not as lazy as I am and had them make things for their dad. Joshua's class had Doughnuts with Dad on Friday, but Jason was driving back from NM and missed it. I didn't have the heart to tell him about it either, it would have crushed him. He did make him a t-shirt in class that was adorable with his hands all over it and said "Hands Down, The Best Dad". He loved it. Sammi made him a great card.

I am just typing this post and hating myself with every keystroke. Why didn't I finish the photo book I was making him online? Why didn't I at least get him a new golf hat? Or a set of his favorite golf balls? Or new cologne? Something!! I honestly don't have an answer, other than I was lazy, I guess. Thankfully I have a husband with no expectations, but still, he had to notice I didn't get him anything.

What I did do when we finally got home yesterday at 5:00 pm is dash off to the grocery store with the kids and left him alone to watch more of the US Open alone. I rushed back and cooked him one of his favorite meals that I never make and even got his favorite ice cream. I was trying!! As he was finishing watching the Open, I kept the kids quiet (or tried my best to!) so he could fully watch it. That was really all he said he wanted to do that day is watch the US Open. So it was my mission to let him!

He thanked me a lot for cooking for him. But I still felt bad that he didn't have a present to open from me. I did get him cards, but that isn't enough. My plan this week is to finally finish the photo book. I have already sorted through all of the kids pictures and picked a lot of just him with the kids. Now I need to place them in the order I want them and add the wording. That is the part that I got stuck on. No more excuses, it is time to finish it!

Ok, I feel better for getting that out there and it is in writing, so there is no going back on my word! Now I will leave you with some of my favorite pictures of Jason with our kids.